A snail next to a light mushroom

31 Funny Snail Jokes That Will Crack Your Shell

Barack Obama walks into a costume party carrying his wife on his back.
The host looks at him and says, “This is a costume party. You have to have a costume to get in”.
So Barack Obama replied, “I am in a snail costume. You see on my back? That’s Michelle”


A snail meets a slug and asks him, “how is it going?”
The slug replies, “Not so good. I just got divorced and my wife got the house”.


A tortoise got into an accident with a snail.
A policeman asks the snail, “Can you tell me what happened?”
The snail said “No I can’t. It all happened so fast.”


A snail and a cat with an aquarium lightbulb

A man opened a snail farm.
His friend came to visit and asked him “How is it going?”.
The man replied, “It is a slow moving business.”


Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?
Yeah, he is so shellfish!


Did you hear about the snail that finally found his confidence?
He really came out of his shell!


Why doesn’t McDonald’s serve escargot?
Because it’s not fast food.


How do snails get their shells so shiny?
They use snail polish

A snail with a graffiti shell

Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of giants’ fingers!


Why do snails take self-defense classes?
So they don’t get assaulted.


Snail One: How are you doing?
Snail Two: I had to have my shell removed today.
Snail One: So how are you finding it?
Snail Two: I feel a bit sluggish.


There is a new snail racing league called the NASCARGOT


What do snails become when they die?
Escarghosts.


Why is the snail the strongest animal?
Because he carries a house on his back!


How do snails make important calls?
On shell phones.


What did the snail say while riding on a tortoise?
WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


What is the definition of a slug?
A snail with a housing problem!


Why are French snails faster than American ones?
L’ess cargo.


I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning.
You should have seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.


What does a snail wear?
Escargot pants


A snail race for the fastest snail

What do you call a snail on a ship?
A snailor!


A snail goes into a car dealership and buys a car.
He asks the salesman to paint a giant letter “S” on the side.
The salesman asks why, so the snail says:
When I’m driving around everyone will say, “Wow, look at that S car go!


You’d think that snails would be faster without their shells.
They actually become more sluggish.


What did the sea snail say to the other sea snail when he cracked his shell?
Sea-kelp! Sea-kelp!